Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
