she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
