ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
