It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize