I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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