Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As shirtless as possible
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
