im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
