After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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