Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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