yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
