My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
