My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
