yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
