Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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