I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need a burrito and a hug.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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