I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
did you just send me my own nude
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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