Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
