I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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