Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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