sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize