I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
