um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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