he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
