I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
