I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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