i jhust puked up my retainher.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
