literally had 100 drinks last night.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
