question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
did i walk over a car last night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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