I am in a vortex of obligation.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
