No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
