is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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