you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
