How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
