She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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