My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
