They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
