I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
