hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
