Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
