I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
