I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
