You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
