is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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