I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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