Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
