Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
