I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
