I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
