Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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