the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
