Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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