My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
