I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
