Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
