Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
