I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
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