Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
