kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
