We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Someone signed my nipple.
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