I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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