Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize