we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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