"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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