the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
